Over the years, customers sometimes call seeking advice on why their efforts using Love and Logic has not worked with their kids. Based on what these customers tell us, we learned that there are several obstacles that can thwart the Love and Logic goal of raising responsible, respectful kids who make good decisions. Here are four obstacles that we have seen in the past.
How the Parent Communicates with the Child.
This is the most common reason that Love and Techniques appear not to work. The right words might be used by the parent with the best intentions, but nonverbal cues communicate anger and frustration to the child, and these cues speak louder than words. The power of these nonverbal cues cannot be underestimated—they will completely undermine the intended message. Empathy must always be delivered first, with sincerity, and without any hint of anger or frustration.
Warnings and Lectures.
When adults use too many words and resort to lecturing and issuing warnings, they cause the child to shut down and stop paying attention to the message. Using fewer words and enforceable statements, delivered with empathy, is much more effective than a long lecture or issuing unenforceable warnings.
Selecting the Right Technique.
Love and Logic’s suite of techniques are intended to be used for specific circumstances. Understanding how and when to use these techniques appropriately is key to success with Love and Logic. Sometimes uncertainty stems from a parent trying only a few techniques from our suite of products, instead of thoroughly understanding Love and Logic principles and how the techniques are to be used. We strongly urge parents to attend the classes for the Parenting the Love and Logic Way curriculum from one of our Independent Facilitators, so they can learn how to use Love and Logic properly.
Going Too Fast.
Many parents new to Love and Logic are eager to apply as many of the techniques as possible—as quickly as possible. This can often backfire for two reasons—the techniques are not learned properly, and kids become overwhelmed and confused. It is best to go slow, apply one or two techniques at a time, and focus one behavior at a time—preferably easier problems first.
Many of our past customers have succeeded with Love and Logic and tell us how their kids grew up to be responsible, respectful, and successful adults. Love and Logic works when it is properly used. Avoiding these obstacles can help ensure your success.
Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay