Tired of Repeating Yourself?
“That boy is going to be the death of me. He never listens. I tell him and I tell him, but do you think he cares what I say? No, not in the least! I don’t know how he is going to learn if he never listens.”
We’ve all heard a parent who talks like this and, like us, you might think to yourself, “Now we know the problem—too many words.”
How old were you when you learned to shut out your parents’ lectures? Lectures didn’t work for our parents, and they will seldom work for us. They don’t even bring out the best in our spouses.
The best rule of thumb is:
- Keep it short.
- Keep it polite.
- Make it a question.
Here is an example of how you might start a conversation with your kids. “I noticed that you were being a bit snippy with your friends when we were in the car. Do you ever worry about losing their friendship because of that?”
It’s possible you might get a snippy answer like, “No, besides it’s none of your business.”
Instead of lecturing, stick with your polite questions, delivered calmly and with empathy. “Oh, that might be true, but if not, do you have a plan? Good luck.”
Polite questions get kids thinking.
Lecturing shuts the door to listening.
It can be a supreme challenge to avoid lectures and too many words when your kids are pushing your buttons.
Jim Fay