Turn Disappointing Grades Into a Learning Opportunity—Here's How

When kids bring home disappointing grades, parents are often upset and respond with frustration, lectures, and even anger.

The first thing to remember is that the responsibility for a child’s grades belongs to the child, not to us. Although it’s easy to blame ourselves when kids perform poorly, it’s very important for our mental health, and for the mental health of our kids, to remember the following points.

• We can’t do the learning for our children.
• Many highly accomplished individuals faced academic challenges in their youth.
• Always respond with genuine empathy and understanding.

Here are two examples that contrast typical parental responses, one delivered with anger and frustration and the other delivered with empathy.

This…
“Look at these grades! These are unacceptable!”

Or this…
“Oh man! I bet these grades are really disappointing for you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. The good news is that this doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”

This…
“How many times have I told you to get your homework done, and you ignored me! I am sick and tired of reminding you! You're grounded!”

Or this…
“Oh man. I can understand getting too busy to remember to do your chores and your homework. What do you think you can do to help you remember your homework? Let me know if you want some ideas.

Dr. Charles Fay